Random ramblings in Chacos.

“I wish I could feel the ground moving under my feet,” the man thought to himself, gazing lovingly outside the half-drawn shaded window.  The room felt cold, uninviting and menacing, seeing the stacks of paper occupying what once was visible desk space.  The man simply wanted to soar out the window, and fly to no points of return.  To experience the freedom of the Western wind gracing his sun-drenched locks with wavy symmetry.

He turns to watch the incessant blinking of a cursor.  His cursor.  He felt the cursor personified to more of a representative of his perceived vision of its namesake.  Constantly criticizing, constantly mocking the blank his mind spent the last half-hour illustrating.  The task at hand was simple.  “Work on the greater good,” the words echoed through his mind of what his superior bequeathed to him upon leaving for the day.  The “greater good,” he thought to himself, simply meant greater profits in their eyes.  And to which is the bottom line drawn?  To accurately put food on the table, or to lay the boundary for an underling to dare cross?

“I wish I could feel the ground moving under my feet,” he thought to himself.  Spinning the chair around to which brick, window, wall, and desk blend to a blur…and stopping to test the dexterity of his standing.  Three clocks appear on the wall, moving in a way kaleidoscopes imply.  4:27 pm…won’t be long now.

The coast beckons…or it is the promise of endless summer, of people working on their tan lines and pick up lines and running times and drunken rhymes.  He can feel the sunlight tickle his face, the breeze running through gull wings as they seek another meal.

“I wish I could feel the ground moving under my feet,” the man thinks to himself.  4:31 pm.  Only a couple of hours to go…

So what’s new – list-style format

Hey guys and girls. Just thought I’d post some stuff here on how life was going as of late:

- Things have been going pretty good since April. I’ve had a chance to hang out with a lot of friends I haven’t seen in a while, some I have probably neglected pretty badly.

- I bought myself an Xbox360 (out of sheer selfish reasons), and I also bought my bro a Wii for his birthday/graduation/wedding gift. I think they will get a lot of enjoyment out of that at their new house near Asheville. That, and I plan to visit him once they get settled.

- Work is going…ehh. A lot of issues I am currently having are my direct management out of the office so often. It’s hard to get proper input over what they want to see when they are not here. However, things are coming along for www.wisdomintention.com. I will have something up before the end of summer, if not sooner.

- I have renewed my resume, and plan on distributing that heavily when the above website is complete.

- There may be some developments concerning living arrangements, soon. I might be coming to Matthews after all..

- So yeah. Renewed vigor. Renewed creative desire. And renewed spirit. It’s going to be an interesting summer.

Defense Mechanisms.

We all have them.  We all use them from time to time, some of us continually live life through a constant state of one.  The key is, why do we set up walls of defenses for ourselves?  I can understand protecting yourself from initial hurt, anger, or disappointment.  But sometimes we set each other up for continual hurt with such a thing.

 Truth is, we think we have all the answers.  We think we know best on how to live our life, who to interact with, who to trust, and who to blame for our own shortcomings.  I write this today to admit that I have shortcomings, I fail just like everyone else.  I am unsure specifically where the course is leading, what is ahead of me.  And yes, I set up defense mechanisms.

I have done this constantly…someone whom we used to share a mutual admiration for each other, simply can see through the walls built up, and decide that there is work to be done.  But I constantly look for the next “safety net,” whether it be a new movie, a new job, new clothes, or simply the company of another.  I tell myself, “I am alright” when in all reality I am not.  And I happily cruised along in each stage of my life with a “brush the dirt off, and get back to walking” for the next temporary fix…the next “need” that I can find to amuse or distract me.

Part of my writing on this subject is merely an affirmation.  This ends today. 

There are a lot of things I need to change about my life, that God has called me to set into motion.  One of these is to sell off a LOT of my possessions, movies, games, comics, etc.  And to also seek His will and His intentions for my path.  Until I can fully yield to God in all aspects of my life (including acquiring goods and interacting with people), I will never fully understand.

So with that, please pray for/think about me.