Defense Mechanisms.

We all have them.  We all use them from time to time, some of us continually live life through a constant state of one.  The key is, why do we set up walls of defenses for ourselves?  I can understand protecting yourself from initial hurt, anger, or disappointment.  But sometimes we set each other up for continual hurt with such a thing.

 Truth is, we think we have all the answers.  We think we know best on how to live our life, who to interact with, who to trust, and who to blame for our own shortcomings.  I write this today to admit that I have shortcomings, I fail just like everyone else.  I am unsure specifically where the course is leading, what is ahead of me.  And yes, I set up defense mechanisms.

I have done this constantly…someone whom we used to share a mutual admiration for each other, simply can see through the walls built up, and decide that there is work to be done.  But I constantly look for the next “safety net,” whether it be a new movie, a new job, new clothes, or simply the company of another.  I tell myself, “I am alright” when in all reality I am not.  And I happily cruised along in each stage of my life with a “brush the dirt off, and get back to walking” for the next temporary fix…the next “need” that I can find to amuse or distract me.

Part of my writing on this subject is merely an affirmation.  This ends today. 

There are a lot of things I need to change about my life, that God has called me to set into motion.  One of these is to sell off a LOT of my possessions, movies, games, comics, etc.  And to also seek His will and His intentions for my path.  Until I can fully yield to God in all aspects of my life (including acquiring goods and interacting with people), I will never fully understand.

So with that, please pray for/think about me.