- I had a good weekend.  Went minigolfing with the cuz and the friend Friday.  Worked Saturday.  Went to church (well, later) Sunday.

- So now it’s Monday, and things are good.  Not great enough to not want change, but is it ever?

- I absolutely love the song “Anonymous” by Bobby Valentino…good stuff.  I’m making an R&B mix for my car with some of the new stuff.

- Finally updated the iPod, synched it with my Powerbook after 3 years of not owning the G4.  I can obviously tell my music tastes have changed a good bit.

- It’s work time.  Holla.

He turns to watch the incessant blinking of a cursor.  His cursor.  He felt the cursor personified to more of a representative of his perceived vision of its namesake.  Constantly criticizing, constantly mocking the blank his mind spent the last half-hour illustrating.  The task at hand was simple.  “Work on the greater good,” the words echoed through his mind of what his superior bequeathed to him upon leaving for the day.  The “greater good,” he thought to himself, simply meant greater profits in their eyes.  And to which is the bottom line drawn?  To accurately put food on the table, or to lay the boundary for an underling to dare cross?

“I wish I could feel the ground moving under my feet,” he thought to himself.  Spinning the chair around to which brick, window, wall, and desk blend to a blur…and stopping to test the dexterity of his standing.  Three clocks appear on the wall, moving in a way kaleidoscopes imply.  4:27 pm…won’t be long now.

The coast beckons…or it is the promise of endless summer, of people working on their tan lines and pick up lines and running times and drunken rhymes.  He can feel the sunlight tickle his face, the breeze running through gull wings as they seek another meal.

“I wish I could feel the ground moving under my feet,” the man thinks to himself.  4:31 pm.  Only a couple of hours to go…

- Things have been going pretty good since April. I’ve had a chance to hang out with a lot of friends I haven’t seen in a while, some I have probably neglected pretty badly.

- I bought myself an Xbox360 (out of sheer selfish reasons), and I also bought my bro a Wii for his birthday/graduation/wedding gift. I think they will get a lot of enjoyment out of that at their new house near Asheville. That, and I plan to visit him once they get settled.

- Work is going…ehh. A lot of issues I am currently having are my direct management out of the office so often. It’s hard to get proper input over what they want to see when they are not here. However, things are coming along for www.wisdomintention.com. I will have something up before the end of summer, if not sooner.

- I have renewed my resume, and plan on distributing that heavily when the above website is complete.

- There may be some developments concerning living arrangements, soon. I might be coming to Matthews after all..

- So yeah. Renewed vigor. Renewed creative desire. And renewed spirit. It’s going to be an interesting summer.

 Truth is, we think we have all the answers.  We think we know best on how to live our life, who to interact with, who to trust, and who to blame for our own shortcomings.  I write this today to admit that I have shortcomings, I fail just like everyone else.  I am unsure specifically where the course is leading, what is ahead of me.  And yes, I set up defense mechanisms.

I have done this constantly…someone whom we used to share a mutual admiration for each other, simply can see through the walls built up, and decide that there is work to be done.  But I constantly look for the next “safety net,” whether it be a new movie, a new job, new clothes, or simply the company of another.  I tell myself, “I am alright” when in all reality I am not.  And I happily cruised along in each stage of my life with a “brush the dirt off, and get back to walking” for the next temporary fix…the next “need” that I can find to amuse or distract me.

Part of my writing on this subject is merely an affirmation.  This ends today. 

There are a lot of things I need to change about my life, that God has called me to set into motion.  One of these is to sell off a LOT of my possessions, movies, games, comics, etc.  And to also seek His will and His intentions for my path.  Until I can fully yield to God in all aspects of my life (including acquiring goods and interacting with people), I will never fully understand.

So with that, please pray for/think about me.

http://www.crosswalk.com/spirituallife/11538982/

An excerpt that spoke to me:

Recognize that, in this fallen world, suffering comes into everyone’s lives. Expect to encounter challenges, but also expect God to help you through whatever comes your way. Know that God isn’t punishing you when you suffer, but simply allowing you to experience something He knows will help you grow in good ways. Realize that God won’t change your circumstances until the circumstances that He has allowed in your life change you.

However, remember that this isn’t the only heinous act that has occured. Every day/week/month/year, heinous acts of violence occur all around us. Why should we think any different of the latest one, or the next, or the next? All of these acts occured out of one’s incessant need to show us a difference, albeit with unacceptable selfish methods. In the end, people will not look at him as the change that we need or desire, but someone disturbed…a misnomer in society. In the end, who is at fault for producing this?

We go through life with our mocha lattes, flavored waters, and conveniences of a consumer society, but are in utter shock and awe when acts like this occur. Sometimes we even do not feel “alive” except in the shadow of a disaster. The one thing I want you to walk away with from reading this, is that life is not a guarantee, it is a blessing. I myself definitely take it for granted often, and say this to myself just as much as I say it to you.

Love one another. Honor one another. Honor God. Live with this purpose, and you will find peace.

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.“

~ 1 Corinthians 13

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was “bad,” you’d shake your finger at me and ask “How could you?” — but then you’d relent and roll me over for a bellyrub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were
terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of
nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and
I believed that life could not be any more perfect.

We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream
(I only got the cone because “ice cream is bad for dogs” you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a “dog person” — still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate.

Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a prisoner of love.” As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch — because your touch was now so infrequent — and I would’ve defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered “yes” and changed the subject.

I had gone from being “your dog” to “just a dog,” and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You’ve made the right decision for your “family,” but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness.

You filled out the paperwork and said “I know you will find a good home for her.” They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with “papers.” You had to pry your son’s fingers loose from my collar as he screamed “No, Daddy! Please don’t let them take my dog!” And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life.

You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked, “How could you?”

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind — that this was all a bad dream… or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.

When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room.  A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.

As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed   tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured “How could you?”

Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said “I’m so sorry.”

She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn’t be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself — a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my “How could you?” was not directed at her.

It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and  wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

A Note from the Author:
If “How Could You?” brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly “owned” pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Please use this to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay & neuter campaigns in order to prevent unwanted animals.

Please pass this on to everyone, not to hurt them or make them sad, but it could save maybe, even one, unwanted pet.

Remember…They love UNCONDITIONALLY.

http://www.alternet.org/story/50049/

Excerpt:
In the years ahead, farming will come back much closer to the center of American economic life. It will necessarily have to be done more locally, at a smaller-and-finer scale, and will require more human attention. Many of the value-added activities associated with farming — making products like cheese, wine, oils — will also have to be done much more locally. This situation presents excellent business and vocational opportunities for America’s young people. It also presents huge problems in land-use reform. Not to mention the fact that the knowledge and skill for doing these things has to be painstakingly retrieved from the dumpster of history.

It is amazing how simple “circumstances” might play into a person’s everyday life, but seeing these from an outside perspective becomes just short of “intervention” of a divine nature. Simple things such as going to sing for many different crowds at a couple of churches in the day, to coming home at night and having an argument over trivial stuff.

I was originally going to watch a copy of “An Inconvenient Truth” last night, at my boss’s recommendation, but the copy I had received from him would not play in my DVD player. So instead I decided on watching “The Host”, while my girlfriend reminds me of “Facing The Giants,” and really wants me to watch this. After our conversation from earlier that night, I really felt to just simply “veg” in front of the screen and watch something that could take my mind off of my mounting list of problems, but I succumbed to logic, and decided to pop in “Facing The Giants.”

Not to spoil the plot or anything for those of you who haven’t seen it, this movie struck a cord with me. I completely felt as the main character, and that God was speaking directly to me about elements of my life, and life in general.

“Bloom where you are planted.” This is what I have resolved to do before and have fallen away from that. But taking faith in the God that has taken such great faiths in me over the past few years is a difficult task if you remain blind to His leadings.

God, thank You for being You, and continue to lead me in Your righteousness. Amen.

Hopefully in the next few days or three, I will start using this blog instead of Myspace. *shudders…myspace* Either way, Myspace has had a good run, but I just don’t think I like the aestethic look (nor have had an extended audience base with such).

Trust me, this is the way to go.